Confusion.

So, like. Hey, I'm back.
I guess.

I'm sorry. I'm just in the middle of a really weird and confusing time. My internship is almost over and I'm (thank god) almost going back to school. I can't wait. I'm so looking forward to going back to my normal life and not be afraid to give a bad impression to the people at the company thing I work at. Just go back to my usual environment, with the people I know, and the people who know me. Where I can just wear whatever I want and not have to worry weather it's appropriate for the job. Oooooh what a bliss it will be.

Bliss. That's a good song. Let's listen to Origin of Symmetry again. Oh, hear the sound of the piano intro of New Born. What an amazing peace of music this is. Yes. 

Getting back to what I was talking about.
You can maybe understand why my head is in all sorts of places. Or maybe you can't I don't know if it's understandable, really. All I know is that I don't really know what the actual fuck is going on anymore at the moment.
My biggest problem at the moment is my constant doubt about me as a human being. Everything is feeling wrong. I feel like I'm a pretty annoying person. I don't know how my friends keep up with me. I feel bad for my colleges, who are forced to work with me. I feel like I don't do them justice or something. Does that make sense? Like I'm a really bad friend. I just don't know what to say most of the time. Not when they are happy about something, not when they feel bad about something. I try to say things to maybe make them feel a bit better but afterwords regretting that and feeling like I said the complete wrong thing and that now they will hate me. Like I feel they originally do. Like, why would you even like me? I'm not a fun person to hang out with. I will just stop all the conversation on you. It happens way too many times that I feel like I'm too tired to even talk or be nice to someone. Wow that's not very good. Can't say it's one of my favorite things about myself.
The problem is, I don't know how to change it. At least now I don't. I'm hoping that once I get back to school, once I'm around my friends every day of the week again, I will figure something out. Because I don't really want my friends to have to be dealing with someone like me.

There were good things that happened lately as well, though. It was my 18th birthday, at which I had an amazing time out for dinner and afterwards for drinks with my friends. I had a blast. Never want to forget that day.
I went to the Tefaf with my mum. This is a big art exhibition, originally meant for selling art but very very interesting for an Art&Design student. They had Damien Hirst. I saw my first Damien Hirst artworks. I was so happy. I had (as my mum likes to call it) 'a Jonas Brothers moment'. I was SO extremely excited to be there. I was shaking. I would almost say butterflies in my stomach. As you can imagine, taking good pictures was kind of hard with shaking hands, but at least I saw it. And it was amazing. And I only want to see more. Damien Hirst exhibition, where you at?! (If you happen to be reading this, I very wouldn't minde Relics to come to somewhere near the Netherlands. Thank you in advance.)
Lastly I went to a little exhibiotion of a dutch Graphic designer, Boy Bastiaens. It was very interesting. I really liked his designs. I was in LOVE with the designs he made for the K. Karl Lagerfeld collection. Really amazing.

I just kind of moaned when I heard the first notes of Bliss. Fun fact for you there. Music gets to me way too much. Oops.

My DBTC has been going, well, in a way, good. Yes, in a way. I did miss one week (sorry don't hurt me I hate it so much) but now I'm back on track and I know what I'm doing. When I went to the Tefaf, I saw some pretty interesting things that showed me how I should áctually doing this, so I've taken that to heart and went on a completely different road. Maybe I'll show you some when I feel like it.

Ok. I'm very sorry about this. I will stop now, since this has become way too long.
I'm also very sorry if none of this makes any sense. I just needed to get this off off my chest. Just needed to write. So here we go. Thanks for reading, if you got this far.
If you did, I love you.

Have a nice life,
Xoxo
Winnie.