Change of plans.

I hate it.
I'm trying to figure everything out and at some point I'm just 2000% done with everything that's happening because I just don't know what to do anymore.
It's getting too much.
It's becoming too vague.
It's becoming impossible to keep track of what I've done and what yet needs to be done.

So I break.
I can't take it anymore and I go to my teachers hoping they can help me get out of this whole of not wanting to do anything anymore because I simply don't even know where to start anymore.

I put the bar too high.
I make it too hard for myself.
I shouldn't make it too big.

Things I've heard the past few days that don't particularly make me happy. To me, this feels like failing. Al my life, I've been learned to keep challenging myself and put the bar just that little bit higher to keep it interesting en provocative for myself. And now, apparently, I'm going too far. This, to me, feels like I just can't do this. I'm just not good enough to do this. And that thought kills me. It makes me feel so miserable.

And then I have to make a change of plans. Change the whole idea. Make it simpler.
In my view, make it too simple, but I'm going to have to go with it. I have to start visualizing something completely different from what I was originally working towards and I have to get going on that, because it has to be done in 3 weeks. For an afternoon, my head is going everywhere, trying to figure out how to get out of this mess and I feel like I will never be able to.

But then it comes together. I find the challenge in the now idea and I start to appreciate it. I come to realize it's pretty close to where my head was going previously, but just immensely simplified. And I'm starting to get my energy and motivation back.

I can get back to work again. I know what to focus on. I know what to do. I'm going to do this and I'm going to do this right.

I'm going to blow their mind. By putting the bar just that little bit higher for myself.

Have a nice life,
Xoxo
Winnie