Overthinking machine.

This year is really turning out to be a year of new things. All sorts of new things have come towards me this year, big and small. From going to a full weekend festival with camping and everything with friends for the first time to getting an actual job for the first time. And now another thing is happening.

Next year (starting the end of January, to be exact) we are going to have internship at a business that professions in anything that has to do with Graphics, Arts and Designing. To get into an internship, we have to send them a c.v. (a document that contains all your work experience and important things about you and your personality) and a portfolio (which shows all the things you made, so the business can see what you can do). This is a big thing for me.

I am so insecure about myself and my work. Working on my c.v., I questioned everything I was going to put on it, questioning if it was relevant or needed to put on there of if I even wanted to put it on there. Now I have that done ~thank god~ but I also have to make a portfolio and that is straight up hell for me. Looking trough everything I made and seeing things I was proud of last year and thinking 'oh god no that is so wrong why did I do it like that?!' with almost everything I see. Again questioning everything I want to put on there if it is even worth being slightly proud of and if it will be good enough for those people to make them thing 'yes, we would like that girl to walk around here and make things for us'. 

And when I did finally find a few things I was proud enough of to put them in my portfolio, there was another problem: the designing of the whole thing. It has to look good. I mean, it's a business that makes Graphic stuff, to get in there, you have to show you can at least make a nice layout for your freaking portfolio. But isn't this too much? Or isn't that too less? Should I keep it easy and simple? Or is big and colorful better? This is seriously impossible.

I don't know what is expected of me so I don't know how to meet those expectations.

But now I feel like I'm finally moving towards something I can be happy with and I can send those people. And once I've send it, I can move over to the next thing to worry about:

I have to to a job interview.

Have a nice life.

Xoxo

Winnie.

P.S. Tomorrow I have a dinner with all my colleges from work. Holy dear god I'm nervous for that. But I think it's a good thing to go there, you know, get to know everyone a little bit. Wish me luck.